The 3 R’s in Parenting
Rules—Restraint—Relationship
Our overall goal as parents is to prepare our children to come out from under our covering and relationship, to walk in maturity directly into a relationship with God and life under His covering. These 3 R’s will give you a headstart.
‘A child who grows up without a healthy understanding of rules will be unable to get anywhere in this life or the life to come. Children need to be taught that rules are part of life. Everywhere they go, there will be rules—school, work, and home.
All authority is ordained by God. With authority comes rules to abide by and live by. When we don’t keep the rules, we don’t prosper. Having a LOT of rules in our homes is not necessary, but we cannot raise a functional child without any rules.
‘Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”‘ Ephesians 6:1-3
Obedience comes with a promise—following the rules will cause things to go well in the lives of our children.
”And the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.’ 2 Timothy 2:2
We are called to be faithful at whatever level, position in life, or authority we are under. We must be faithful to the rules that apply—like a good soldier of Jesus. In our culture today, it feels like a dogfight to lay down rules in a home, but we need to fight the good fight of faith for our children.
‘No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier. And also if anyone competes in athletics, he is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules.‘ 2 Timothy 2:4-5
Biblical Christianity is not passive. We are engaged in a battle against spiritual principalities and powers warring against our families. The success of our lives is connected to obeying—following rules.
In verse 5 Paul gives an athletic illustration, because rules in athletics are for our well-being, and for fairness. If there are no rules in a sport, there will be chaos, and the whole game will be destroyed. The rules are for safety and equity, and the sooner they are communicated, the better for everyone. As a parent, we are the ones who lay down and communicate the rules. It is important to be consistent and fair with the rules in our homes.
Restraints deal with boundaries and consequences. Children need to be taught the concept of cause and effect, sowing and reaping, which translates into personal responsibility and respecting boundaries. There are consequences to our actions—both good and bad.
”For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: that if One died for all, then all died;’ 2 Corinthians 5:14
For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead:’ 2 Corinthians 5:14 KJV
God has given us restraints that constrain us in Scripture which are beneficial to our well-being and success in life. The highest form of restraint against sin, temptation, and living a life in rebellion to God, is love for God. Jesus said in John 14:15, If you love me, keep my commandments. He wants us to obey out of love, not out of fear. Our children have to be taught the love of God and to obey, out of love. Until they discover His love, they will need to learn about consequences and boundaries. As a parent, we must be consistent and patient to run the race of parenthood with endurance.
‘Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.’ Galatians 6:7-9
The law of sowing and reaping applies in parenting. Every child must be taught that when they sow a good seed, they will get a good harvest—even if it takes time. But when they sow a bad seed, God is not mocked; there are consequences to breaking boundaries and rules.
‘Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; But happy is he who keeps the law.’ Proverbs 29:18
God’s love is a restraint, consequences are restraints, and revelation/vision is a restraint.
This is the focal point and affects the other two R’s. Rules and restraints without relationship will actually lead to rebellion in your child’s life. Throughout the entire parenting process, you are building a relationship with your children.
A relationship requires time spent (not just quality, but quantity). It requires communication, forgiveness, mutual respect, and affection, as well as deep, abiding love. Everything in their relationship with us as parents is to prepare them for relationships with classmates, siblings, authorities, the church, an employer, their spouse, and ultimately, God.
Don’t neglect the relationship component in these three R’s. God didn’t call us to punish our children, but to lovingly correct them and there IS a difference.
To learn more about godly parenting, access our limited-time FREE booklet, Blessing Your Children
Digital FREE Booklet Offer
This booklet is a guide for parents to bless their children and empower them with foundations from the Word of God for a successful life in the Kingdom.
Access your FREE digital booklet TODAY and tune in to hear Brother Duane teach the full series.
To learn more about raising godly warriors, get a FREE sample of Duane Sheriff’s newest book, Raising Godly Warriors: Building Strong Families in Today’s Culture.
You can also purchase the complete book, Raising Godly Warriors: Building Strong Families in Today’s Culture, to be equipped with biblical strategies for training up your children as mighty warriors for God’s Kingdom.
For your convenience, we are offering Brother Duane’s godly parenting resources in a bundle, which includes: “Raising Godly Warriors” (full-size book), “Blessing Your Children in Prayer & Faith” booklet, and “Children As Arrows” booklet with a USB drive of teachings and the accompanying workbook.
